if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
