That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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