Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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