I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
