Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
