Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
