I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
