Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
