I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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