Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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