Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're so nebulous sometimes
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
