I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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