3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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