He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
