Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
