The maid of honor just puked.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
