I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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