my phone needs a breathalizer
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
