Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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