Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
