I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
