i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
