i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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