I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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