His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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