i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
