dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
