Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
