Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
