i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
