We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
