the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
