I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize