Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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