I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
