She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
