I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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