Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
