I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
