Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Have a good day. My vagina shrank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember. (734): Have a good day. My vagina shrank. http://tfl.nu/3o44
  Replies (7) Good night (627) Bad night (1750)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing. http://tfl.nu/feuq
  Replies (17) Good night (726) Bad night (2524)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels.. http://tfl.nu/8nli
  Replies (6) Good night (2848) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning.. http://tfl.nu/cvhe
  Replies (39) Good night (7189) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?" http://tfl.nu/xq6v
  Replies (43) Good night (8704) Bad night (1404)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary. http://tfl.nu/hnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (5413) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that. http://tfl.nu/9h2q
  Replies (11) Good night (5536) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (9004) Bad night (1566)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses http://tfl.nu/vxdn
  Replies (4) Good night (5052) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful. http://tfl.nu/p1yf
  Replies (3) Good night (777) Bad night (2698)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/gnds
  Replies (14) Good night (3344) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time http://tfl.nu/5zkl
  Replies (4) Good night (478) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right? (1-404): So the keyword here is "hammered"? http://tfl.nu/1kxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1436) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you sleep with him again?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me. (1-978): Did you sleep with him again? (978): No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me? http://tfl.nu/swvn
  Replies (5) Good night (411) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right. http://tfl.nu/9n53
  Replies (1) Good night (579) Bad night (233)

Randomize