Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??

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(317): There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas?? http://tfl.nu/74h0

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(714): View more from California

i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?

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(714): i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto? http://tfl.nu/tdft

Replies (17) Good night (4312) Bad night (1120)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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(843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn

Replies (76) Good night (22062) Bad night (1550)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

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(307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn

Replies (11) Good night (6386) Bad night (962)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

it's gonna be a great weekend

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(203): as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot (1-203): it's gonna be a great weekend http://tfl.nu/mkok

Replies (13) Good night (6359) Bad night (1052)
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(661): View more from California

I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

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(661): I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it http://tfl.nu/bivl

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(714): View more from California

there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

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(714): there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe. http://tfl.nu/faaw

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(519): View more from Ontario

He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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(519): He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8f21

Replies (13) Good night (2580) Bad night (837)
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(914): View more from New York

The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.

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(914): The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands. http://tfl.nu/vf34

Replies (5) Good night (2943) Bad night (592)
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(623): View more from Arizona

Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts

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(623): Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts http://tfl.nu/oqnb

Replies (8) Good night (2147) Bad night (595)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?

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(919): My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect? http://tfl.nu/6qrg

Replies (5) Good night (1229) Bad night (494)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.

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(937): Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward. http://tfl.nu/uvqx

Replies (6) Good night (1130) Bad night (510)
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(347): View more from New York

maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life

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(347): maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life http://tfl.nu/rmnc

Replies (4) Good night (522) Bad night (1025)
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(703): View more from Virginia

You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.

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(703): You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/3xuk

Replies (0) Good night (849) Bad night (307)
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(914): View more from New York

Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here

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(914): Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here http://tfl.nu/yns8

Replies (4) Good night (385) Bad night (640)

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