By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah