there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!