You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.