I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
