Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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