y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
