making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
