Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
