If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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