I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
