he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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