Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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