Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As shirtless as possible
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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