u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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