Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
