wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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