im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
