Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
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i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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