is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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