i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
