Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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