I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
