dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
