i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
