I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
