Having a random hookup so left but love u
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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