VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
