P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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