My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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