Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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