"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
