I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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