Kiss
Puke
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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